The Big Freak Out
by Redundant Goddess
Summary: Yuffie has some concerns about her new relationship with Cloud, and has a wee bit of a 'freak out'. Contains talk of a sexual nature, swearing and extreme rantage. Dedicated for those whom are forever nervous about the world of sex and all it's glory...


**Disclaimer: ** Jingle bells, bloody hells, I own not a thing! So please don't sue, that would be poo, and why did I just sing?

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**The Big Freak Out**

As Yuffie lay on her couch, arms draped around strong shoulders and lips moving heatedly over those of her blond lovers, she couldn't help but wonder two things. The first of which being; how in the name of all things good and materia based had she ended up in said position in the first place?

Looking back, it seemed strange to her that three weeks prior Cloud had only been classed as an extremely attractive friend, whom she liked to occasionally perv over, and had helped save the world from total an utter destruction. The Ex-SOLDIER was a fantasy, a dream, an impossibility, but somehow- and don't ask her how- one day, after hitching a lift back home on the back of said Ex-SOLDIER's bike, they kissed. Well, more specifically the young Ninja had gone to kiss Cloud's cheek in a jokingly, childish manner for being such a gentleman and walking her to her door, but then Cloud had turned his head suddenly, thus sending Yuffie's lips off course and into his.

However, that first meeting of lips had obviously sparked something inside of them, because after they had pulled apart, Cloud's hands caught her face and pulled her lips to his again for something far more than sweet and chaste.

It was then both confessed their mutual attraction to the other, briefly discussed the possibility of perhaps 'Seeing' each other, kissed again just to make sure that 'spark' was there, and promptly decided that 'yes' they would give it a go.

That was three weeks ago, and the young White Rose of Wutai had never been happier.

Or at least she had thought...

Unfortunately, during those three weeks Cloud had been busy with work, so the young Ninja-no-Hime had only seen him once or twice. Both of which having been flying visits with dinner, laughing and quick shy kisses and sly, tentative gropes in the dark.

Sweet, slow and simple.

But now the blond had taken time off to visit her, in fact he had even booked into an Inn so he could stay the night and meet her for breakfast the following morning.

...Or at least that had been the plan, because somehow-again don't ask her how because she really couldn't say- after some fantastic take-out, a crappy movie and maybe the smallest sips of her Aunt Misato's infamous sake, Yuffie found herself not only sprawled underneath the man of her wet dreams, but seriously making out with him.

And lo, it was good. Really good, fantastically good even. They way his hand stroked her hair, the ways his lips moved with hers and the way their bodies melded together to create that wonderful, scintillating, but oh so daunting heat... Yeah it was good alright.

So... why couldn't she relax?

Which brought her back to her second thought; was this how it was supposed to feel with someone you really cared about?

Sure she was nervous; it was Cloud for goodness sake! The guy was materia droppingly hot! But it wasn't as if she had never fooled around with someone before. Okay, so not to the point of no return, but she wasn't a complete innocent. And Cloud, well, was Cloud. There was no way in Hades he would ever do anything to hurt her. Yuffie knew she should've felt safe and happy, secure in the man's Mako enhanced embrace.

So, why was there such a niggling sense of dread and worry gnawing away at her? Why did she feel so tense every time Cloud touched her?

However, before she could even think of a good and reasonable explanation, Yuffie felt one of Cloud's hands move slowly over her perfectly ninja sized breasts, down her perfectly toned tummy, towards somewhere much more southerly.

Panicked brown eyes snapped open in an instant, and with the reflexes and skill that made her Wutai's number one ninja, Yuffie pushed Cloud away and leapt up from the couch.

"Woah, woah, woah there stud!" She wheezed, face flushed and chest heaving. "Time out!"

Yuffie stood slightly wobbly kneed, and tried to calm herself down, as the blond tried to regain his own breath.

"Yuffie?" He asked in a voice that was a little too thick and husky that both half-delighted and half-scared the young woman. Because, hell, even a super model would get a huge ego boost knowing they had just made the legendary Cloud Strife all hot and flustered! But scared because having a horny ex-SOLDIER to deal with wasn't exactly thrilling her in all the ways it should do either.

"S-sorry, I...er..." She spluttered, eyes firmly set on the carpet beneath her. Yuffie could feel her cheeks flush an unbearable red.

The blond frowned, and moved to sit on very edge of the couch in arms reach of the kunoichi. His mako blue eyes filled with concern.

"Yuffie, what's wrong?"

The young woman was stumped. She wasn't exactly sure herself. She had a feeling she knew, but with all the feelings and emotions and worrying that were currently whirling around her head, Yuffie couldn't exactly put it into words, and therefore didn't know what to say to that. Physically she was okay, well aside from the shaking, but other than that she was fine. Sort of...Ish.

"I-I..." She muttered weakly.

Cloud reached out gently, to hold the young woman's hands in an effort to comfort her, but when Yuffie saw him do so, instinct kicked in, and she jumped back. And before Cloud had time to raise any further concern for her well being, Yuffie blurted out the following:

"I'm a virgin!"

The room fell into an uncomfortable silence.

Needless to say, Cloud's eyes widened to the size of saucers, and Yuffie's face went from feeling way too hot to like the surface of the sun in under 0.2 seconds flat.

She couldn't believe she had just said. Of all in embarrassing, boyfriend scaring things to say... In fact, she wasn't sure why the hell she had even said it, but she knew she had. Because now the Ex-SOLDIER looked beyond shocked, confused and possibly even a little scarred out of his wits. Somehow, this didn't make Yuffie feel any better. If anything it made all those nervous, worried, scared feelings that had been plaguing her triple in size, which made her feel weak, which in turn pissed her off immensely. Because if there was one thing Yuffie Kisaragi was not, it was a weak little girl.

"Yeah, you heard me!" She hissed defensively, even though her voice was as shaky as leaf in a particularly strong squall, and crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm-I'm a virgin! And you know what? If you don't like it, tough! I Yuffie, the most awesome Ninja to ever grace Gaia am not a whore!"

And then, like a particularly jittery tidal wave crashing onto a very concerned, but bewildered piece of dry land, Yuffie began a zero punctuated rant of truly epic proportion.

"I know it's not exactly normal, but guess what? I don't care! It's not like I've haven't fooled around with people, and done... you know... other things. It's just sex is such a big fucking deal ya know?"

Yuffie took a deep breath, ignoring the slack jawed and-quite frankly-stunned expression Cloud had donned and continued on with her speedy rant.

"I'm mean do you even know half of the shit women have to go through just to get off with a guy safely? Seriously, it's no walk in the park. No, we have to worry about various STD's, cervical cancer and- my personal favourite- pregnancy! Which sure would make my father happy, I guess, but I DON'T WANNA GET PREGNANT YET!" She wailed indignantly and waved her arms in the air for dramatic effect.

"I mean, do you know how many weird and painful ways people have found to help women prevent either of those things? It's scary man, I mean, really scary! Like that implant thing they stick in your arm and you can see and feel? Or the pill that could possibly make you put on weight or even mess up your hormones so much you go all psycho? And all you guys have to do if they wanna –insert finger quotes here- 'get it on' is slip on a bit of rubber, and 'yatta!' you're ready for action!"

"Yuffie..." Cloud tried to interrupt. However, Yuffie was too far gone in her rant to notice the blond. She paced the floor nervously, all pretence of being strong long gone. She wasn't exactly sure why she had just spouted what had to be considered the most Man-Hatingly neurotic speech in the history of her small, yet proud nation, but somehow felt better for it. That somehow having said all that, now she could get to the heart of the matter of why she had just freaked out. Although, upon noticing the hurt look that had crept its way onto the blond's handsome features, Yuffie couldn't help but feel a little bad. So she decided to take another deep breath and try to get to the point without losing her boyfriend.

"So, okay, maybe I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill here, and that all that is just a small price to pay for nights of unbridled passion, but you just don't get it! We've been together like three weeks. Three. Weeks! And it just feels like way too soon..."

"Yuffie"

"... And I know you've probably had loads of sex, and are great at it, but I'm not okay? So forgive me for being a bit on the twitchy side and not wanting to just dive right on into bed with you, even though you are incredibly hot and will probably rock my world and...!

"YUFFIE!" Cloud said loudly enough to snap her out of her tirade, and grasped her arms gently.

The young ninja jumped, and wondered briefly when exactly had Cloud gotten up from the couch and had managed to sneak up on her. However, soon the room had fallen silent once again, and Yuffie couldn't bear to bring her eyes to meet his. This was it, she thought, she had gone too far. She was going to lose her first proper boyfriend, not over her continuing efforts to relieve him of his Materia, oh no. But due to the almost psychotic ramblings she had just unleashed. The young ninja felt her eyes begin to well up, this was it...

Suddenly, she heard the blond chuckle, and sigh in relief.

"Yuffie, it's okay." He whispered softly, and let his thumbs stroke her arms soothingly. "I don't want to have sex with you."

The young Ninja's eyes snapped up to meet his, utterly confused. What?

"Huh?"

Cloud coughed and scratched the back of his head.

"I mean, I do want sex with you, of course I do! But, just not right now."

Yuffie blinked again. Yup, she was definitely confused.

The Mako man sighed, as he took his time and tried to explain himself. But not before pulling the girl into warm hug.

"Look, Yuffie... I know you're nervous, but you don't need to worry, okay? I'm not going to force you into something you don't feel you're ready for. The last thing I would ever want to do is hurt you, you know that right?"

She nodded weakly and Cloud gave a nervous smile.

"And despite what you think, I'm not exactly good at this either." He swallowed. "In fact, to tell you the truth, I've only ever done it once and...well... yeah it was awkward."

Even though Yuffie was still slightly on edge, the sheepishness in Cloud's voice twisted her lips into a wicked smile. She couldn't help but ask:

"...How awkward?"

"I accidently elbowed her in the face, then I put the condom on the wrong way round and then I...er... came a bit too early, twice. It was awful."

Yuffie giggled into Cloud's chest, squeezing him tight and feeling perfectly relaxed in his arms for the first time in a while. She felt stupid, sure, but infinitely better. It was as if a massive 'sex' shaped weight had been lightened. Not gone, because it was always going to be there, but knowing she wasn't the only one worrying about it, well that made carrying it around a little easier.

"See? So, you know, you're not the only one who gets anxious about 'this' kind of stuff, we'll... you know... when we're ready. Okay?"

"I'm sorry for ranting at you like some kind of crazy person, and for freaking out." She murmured apologetically into his neck.

"Don't be, but you know, next time if we're..."

"...making out like rabbits?"

"Yuffie..."He groaned, his cheeks turning a delightful shade of pink, but smiled despite himself.

"Okay, okay!" She grinned. "I get it. I'll tell you if we're going too fast."

"Good."

"Good."

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